


Best Ass in the league

by purplefox



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Crack Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 19:34:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5304029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What started out as a joke reveals something serious underneath</p>
            </blockquote>





	Best Ass in the league

A few members of the League were discussing an off world matter when their attention was drawn to something a little closer to home. Directly behind them.  
  
"Okay there?" Flash asked Superboy uneasily noticing how the boy was furiously concentrating on them. By his side Red Robin was wearing a look of simple defeat.  
  
"It's nothing." Red Robin assured as he tried to turn Superboy's face from the Justice League's backs. "He's just trying to figure out something by himself." Red Robin hesitated to mutter. "After I told him leave it alone."  
  
"Who is it this time?" The Batman asked not even bothering to turn around. "Robin or Red Hood?"  
  
"Red Hood." Red Robin answered. "And Nightwing. Mostly Nightwing but Red Hood started it."  
  
Nightwing?" Superman asked. "It can't be anything bad." He trailed off obviously reading a look from Batman. "Come on now Batman Nightwing is. Nightwing."  
  
"How many of the titans are agitated?" Batman asked  
  
"All." Red Robin mumbled and Batman turned to just look at Superman. Green Arrow sniggered.  
  
"Is it a bet? This is Red Hood. I remember the last one. Weren't any criminals daring to poke out their holes for two weeks in Central City."  
  
"More of a vote." Superboy muttered his gaze focused on his mentor. "Nightwing is so predictable."  
  
There was a noticeable silence and the boy huffed. "In certain things. He usually has a one track mind and answer for certain things."  
  
"So." Flash asked. "What was it? Who would get beaten in a fight? Who has the best villains -"  
  
"Best ass." Red Robin said quietly as Superboy narrowed his eyes on Batman.  
  
"What?" Superman said weakly while Green Arrow frowned.  
  
"Best Ass and you're looking at us? Thanks but I don't think you're in the right place. I'd be looking at Won-"  
  
"Best male Ass." Red Robin corrected his lips twitching.  
  
Flash sniggered. "And Dick has you in an uproar because."  
  
"It's not Superman." Superboy frowned. "If it's not him I don't know who else Nightwing thinks fills the post."  
  
Batman growled and Red Robin rolled his eyes. "Batman it is Nightwing. The only reason he did something like this is for the puns."  
  
"Somebody that has an ass better than old Supes." Green Arrow grinned. "Where do we start looking?"  
  
"Why are we doing this?" Superman muttered tiredly before sneaking an apprehensive look towards the Batman. "After all, Dick is just pulling your sleeves."  
  
"Or his hero worship is finally over." Red Hood announced as he entered the room. "I bet you want to know whose ass trumps yours huh? Especially since Nightwing has been eying you like a starving man since he-"  
  
"Red Hood." Just two words from the Bat and Red Hood fell silent.  
  
"What exactly were the words?" Flash mused. "Could help us narrow it down."  
  
"He thinks it is better than Superman." Red Hood snorted. "Let us start from there. Who can out do the ultimate Boy Scout."  
  
More silence and Superboy frowned. "It is just a big pun isn't it? He wasn't being serious. He doesn't think someone has a tighter ass than Superman."  
  
"Were you hoping him to be serious?" Red Robin demanded. "Look here Nightwing's admiration of Superman has been going on for so long that even Superman gets uncomfortable sometimes. And if we have to go for best ass in the Justice League. It is either Diana or Dick. And I'm leaning for it being Dick."  
  
"You know it is true Ollie." Red Hood pointed out.  
  
"Good point." Green Arrow gave in. Just then the door opened and in walked Nightwing his steps eager as he approached Batman.  
  
"So B." he said eagerly. "I've been talking to Vic and I know you said I should leave the bike alone but this is a great idea. So we take the-"  
  
"No." Batman dismissed turning away.  
  
"Tight ass." Nightwing murmured before he grinned and with a blur of speed spanked Batman on his ass as he passed. The Justice league members and titans froze in horror.  
  
Batman turned and glared at Nightwing but Nightwing had retreated a few steps back out of Batman's immediate reach.  
  
"Oh god." Red Hood muttered sounding traumatized. "I thought you were over that."  
  
"Batman?" Red Robin squeaked. "Are you serious? You think Batman has a better ass than the Man of Steel?"  
  
Nightwing only grinned. "Well Batman earned his."  
  
Red Hood made a traumatized sound. Red Robin groaned as if in pain. "You can't be serious Dick."  
  
 "If I had to choose you mooning over the Boy Scout or the Bat I'd choose the Boy Scout Nightwing." Red Hood groaned.  
  
"So the ranking of best ass would be Nightwing, Batman, Superman." Superboy said in satisfaction.  
  
"Male league members would be Superman then Batman." Nightwing laughed. "I'm not in the league and personal preferences aside. Superman is physically perfect." Superman beamed, Nightwing flushed and Batman scowled.  
  
"We'll discuss this later." Batman warned as he started to leave the room.  
  
"Discuss exactly what later?" Nightwing called behind him. "Stay further away from Nightwing than you already do Superman? Or is it the damn Nightwing we can't afford to lose you and have you permanently join Superman's team?"  
  
"It was only going to be one." Batman warned as he stood in the doorway. "Now I think it has to be both." The door closed behind him and Superman sighed. Nightwing just scowled.  
  
"Plan not working well?" Superman called out to Nightwing.  
  
"It's getting there." Nightwing muttered.  
  
"Quick question." Red Hood demanded. "Did you use me and my joke to come at Batman?"  
  
"Yes?" Nightwing said.  
  
"Awesome. So glad I don't live there anymore. Red Robin and Robin are going to have to deal with this all on their own. I love it."  
  
"This is your fault." Red Robin muttered.  
  
"Yes. Yes it is." Red Hood grinned.  
  
"So you like like the Batman?" Green Arrow asked. "And I thought you were a smart kid."


End file.
